It's not about being obsessed with your appearance. On the contrary, it's about facing your fears, realistically assessing your image and equipping yourself with effective strategies to enhance your look. Which will boost your self-confidence and self-esteem. Which will make you think less of what others think about you. Which will improve your mental health. Which will allow you to live the life that you're dreaming of. Interacting with others with confidence. Reaching your goals and fulfilling your purpose. Being yourself unapologetically.
It's not about wearing expensive clothes, looking elegant and matching the celebrities in glossy magazines every day. It's about wearing what makes you feel good and exude confidence, energy and joy. It's about wearing clothes that honour your body. Enhancing your natural beauty. Knowing yourself better. Knowing your needs and catering to them. It's about celebrating life. Your life. The life in YOUR body.
It's about self-love. Self-love is not selfish. Self-love is celebrating and honouring life. I believe we're actually born with it, but then people around us and society and marketing teach us it's bad and persuade us to stop loving ourselves.
I often see my little daughter smiling at herself in the mirror and sending kisses to her reflection and I can't help but wonder what the world would look like if we all did the same. It would be such a beautiful place, filled with happy and loving people aware of their beauty and able to see it in everyone else because we are all beautiful, every individual in their own way.
Practising self-love and cultivating a positive body image through various strategies aimed at improving your mindset and personal style will free you from the anxiety, shame, performance anxiety and imposter syndrome that society generates through unrealistic ideals and expectations and will allow you to tap into your inner strengths. You will be able to live authentically and create the life you want but are afraid to work towards because of fear of judgement and rejection. Once you accept and love yourself, you won't need to beg for love and acceptance from others. And you will finally be free to use all the energy to fulfil your purpose and add your beauty to the world.
It's easy to guess someone who has tried to lose weight for years feels dissatisfied with their image. I've been miserable for my entire childhood because I was too short and thin. People used to ask me if I ate as soon as they met me for the first time. In my teenage years, girls like me, who could be my friends, looked down on me because I looked younger. The summer I finally managed to put on some weight, my sister returned home after a couple of months and the first thing she said when she saw me was: "Wow, you're so fat now!" I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt me, but her words did. I started to question my appearance and the ideal weight for me. I mean, I was skinny before and got "too fat" in just a couple of months. I realised reaching the "just perfect" weight wasn't as easy as I thought. And then, there were also my parents and grandparents who were happy with me being "round-ish" ("rotunjoara" in Romanian).
What was that supposed to mean? It took me a couple of decades to get it: it was impossible to reach a "perfect weight" because there would have always been someone to expect a different thing from me. And while I spent another dozen years suffering because of my weight which translated into hatred from my peers in my twenties, body dysmorphia and avoiding social interaction, I kept looking for a solution to help me feel at home in my skin because deep down inside I knew I couldn't be such a terrible monster. There must have been something good about me, too. I just needed to find that and shift my focus on it. It was difficult and I still need to practice self-love purposefully and mindfully to protect myself from hurtful situations, but now I know there are effective tools and a supportive community that have my back and help me on my hard days.
As long as I feel good in my skin, what other people think of me becomes less important. Now I know I will never look good to everyone I meet and that's ok. It's enough for me to look good to myself. There will be days when I look better and days when I look worse. My emotions, health, feeling tired and growing older, all have an impact on the way I feel about myself and that will be different on different days. I find comfort in being aware of that and in knowing that I love myself unconditionally. "How can you say, not to mention feel, that?", you might ask. Well, I can because now I know I was the only person who was there for me in good and bad times. I was the one who was able to help myself overcome all the weight others put on my shoulders from early childhood and I know I am the one who will always be there for myself when I need to find strength and motivation to go on. And despite my flaws, I will always look beautiful to myself. Because I know my story better than anyone else and I know my beauty is not just about appearance. It's also about my determination and courage to live a life different from that of my peers, at my own pace. My beauty is my love for my family. My beauty is my love for human beings, my openness and my eagerness to help people see the beauty in themselves and live a more fulfilling life.
One of the first words my daughter said was "bella" ("beautiful" in Italian). I like to think that the reason why it happened was that I have repeatedly told her that she is beautiful and she got to hear this word more than a dozen times a day every day. I wasn't playing or joking with her. I meant it. Every single time. I can see beauty in her even in the rare moments of her tantrums. And I can see beauty in every person I meet. I wish they could see it too. I wish I had been able to see beauty in myself years ago when I was struggling with anxiety and depression and felt rejected by the world. I wish no one ever feels the same. I wish I could help more individuals. I wish I could change the world and make it more inclusive and less judgmental. I wish people understood that seeing beauty in others doesn't dim their beauty. On the contrary, it enhances it and it adds to the beauty of the world we all live in.
Wouldn't you like to live in a more beautiful and loving world? What did you add to the beauty, health and well-being of the world yesterday? What will you add to it tomorrow? Can you see the beauty that surrounds you today?
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